Unbridled Honesty Never Works

Jul 16

In some professional education I'm currently taking, the instructor said that unbridled honesty is just a verbal form of immature entitlement. Apparently, when you hide behind the "I was just being honest" facade, what is really happening is you are vomiting all over your partner in a way that creates conflict and distance out of your self-righteousness.

The metamessage is that "You can't attack me because 'I was just being honest.' ", "Don't you want me to be honest?", or "Don't you want honesty in our relationship?"

Unbridled honesty is a form of manipulation where you get to be your unvarnished self, but you don't allow the other person to respond unvarnishedly too. There's an implied "You must agree with me or else there's something wrong with you" mentality.

Appropriate honesty starts with love, not blaming. It starts with care for the relationship, not self-righteousness. The best honesty is respectful, loving, informative, and humble. None of those elements are in unbridled honesty.

Dr. Bill English

Dr. English is an Executive Coach with over 35 years of experience starting, growing, and managing businesses. He has been the CEO of five companies, with revenue ranging from $75K to $25M and employee counts ranging from 2 to 550. English has conducted over 10,000 hours of psychotherapy as a clinical psychologist and has been a guest on Faith Radio (myfaithradio.com) for over 10 years. He has written twenty books, including Biblical Wisdom for Business Leaders, Working for a Difficult Boss, and A Christian Theology of Business Ownership. English holds a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology, another in Divinity, and a PhD in Business Management. He has also completed post-graduate work in family systems therapy, trauma therapy, strategic organizational leadership, and business process management. Book a free 45-minute consultation to speak with him.

Unbridled Honesty Never Works

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